Every seasoned traveller must have at least one memorable toilet experience. I personally have had my fair share. As icky as this topic may be to discuss, I think it’s one that will probably be helpful – especially to first time travellers off the beaten track. Let’s face it; nature calls for everyone, usually at the most inconvenient moment. Here are a few ideas to make sure that minor inconvenience doesn’t become a distressing ordeal.
The Pre-Potty Survey
Whether it be a lack of loo roll, a puddle of what you hope is water on the floor or a black mamba snake emerging from the plumbing (it has been known to happen!) a quick visual assessment of the loo prior to doing your business is always a good idea. It might also be an idea to check the lights – if they don’t work, perhaps getting your torch ready for late night toilet trips will be a smart idea. And if you are worried about cockroaches being in there at night, turn on the light 5 minutes before doing your business, and then wait outside – they will (hopefully) scurry away to their dark corners in that time.
Practice Good Hygiene
Yes, that means washing hands properly with soap and water – if available. Always carry a small bottle of hand sanitizer with you – it will be indispensable in your travels and hopefully with protect you (and those around you – remember that dirty hands also spread germs). Leave the place in as clean a state as you found it, and on a related note…
A Rather Glitzy Toilet in Swaziland
Follow the Rules
And not just the men’s/ladies’ toilet signs; if there is a bucket next to the toilet put your used toilet paper IN THE BUCKET, not down the toilet. Not sure? If there are no clear signs, be brave and see what the people before you did – if there is no evidence in the bucket it is probably safe to assume that the sewage system can handle toilet roll, but it’s usually a good idea to check what the case is in your location. Used condoms, sanitary products, wet wipes, paper towels etc. must NEVER go down a toilet. Nothing gets me mad like someone flushing a used condom down the toilet – it WILL NOT go away like that, and probably will emerge back round the U-bend for the next person.
Flush the toilet too – it’s only polite. If there isn’t a visible flush, there may be a bucket near a tap – you will have to fill this and flush your doo-do away yourself. If it is just a hole over a pit, no flush with water may be required, but you may be required to throw a handful of sawdust or rock salt into the hole.
Once that’s done put down the lid (again if there is a lid). This stops any smells venturing back up and is especially important if it is a pit latrine like I encountered a few times in Mongolia, as there may be a small gap designed into the toilet seat which allows air to move down into the pit and remove odours out of a wider ventilation pipe elsewhere. Leaving the seat open reversed this natural air movement and sucks those funky aromas into the toilet cubicle.
And keep toilet time to a minimum. You may not be the only person caught short!
The farm in China where I have fond memories of using a squatty potty.
Embrace the Squatty Potty
A lot of westerners have issues with the squat-and-drop toilets found elsewhere in the world. Personally I love them; I have “fond” memories of using them and they are better for your bowel movements than the porcelain throne. If you’ve never used one before, there are usually a couple of “steps” to put your feet on (or it may just be two planks either side of a long, dark drop – make sure you don’t lose anything down there!), the hole usually sits directly below your bum, and the lower down you squat the better. All importantly…
Aim!!!
It’s bad enough when guys pee on the seat; I’m a guy and I hate coming across that (Dubai Airport I’m looking at you!). When using a squatty, this is especially important – even more so if you’re having some iffy bowel movements. Getting yourself as low as possible reduced your risk of Boys make sure you direct your flow downward and not onto your shoes. Just taking a bit of time and care when you go can save you the embarrassment and inconvenience of an unexpected costume change.
Don’t be Shy
Excusing myself to “feed the horses” (best toilet trip euphemism ever?) in Mongolia was at first a little weird. I was ever so paranoid about getting “The Governator” out in the most sparsely populated country on earth. What if those nomads over there have binoculars? I thought. The most awkward moment in Mongolia was when on a sightseeing trip with my boss and a bunch of other people. We stopped to go pee in lashing wind and rain; he was peeing 5 metres away from where I was peeing and then looked and gleefully shouted over, “Joshua, what are you doing?!” I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.
This was where I was afraid someone would be watching me get my junk out to pee…
Maintaining a we’re all boys/girls/humans here attitude is crucial, especially if privacy is limited i.e. no locks, no door, no cubicle! If you still wish to save a little dignity a strategically placed vehicle, bush or umbrella can go a long way. And if you wish to inform people of your presence, singing or whistling should be sufficient, and also may drown out some of the more embarrassing sounds.
If in Doubt, Poop it Out
Even if you might not feel a pressing need to do a number 2, it can usually be a good idea to try. Perhaps there’s a long journey ahead and it’s probably a good idea to go while you can (or there is a nice toilet and sufficient loo roll). Perhaps the plumbing won’t cope if you keep it all bottled up for later – trust me I’ve seen it happen (to other people). Or perhaps like happened to me on a couple of occasions in China and repeatedly at work in Mongolia; you have an agonisingly sore stomach and pooing is the last thing on your mind. What it might be is a sign you’ve actually got imminent diarrhoea. In such a situation, I say it doesn’t matter what state the facilities are in; get your ass in there! I won’t lie, it WILL hurt, you’ll probably want to cry and you’ll emerge sweating profusely. But give it 5 minutes and you will feel AMAZING and you’ll definitely not turn your nose up at a squatty potty ever again.
So now you know the ins and outs of toilet trips on your travels. Do you have any funny stories or advice to add?
Engineer on the Road 
I couldn’t agree more about Dubai airport (well terminal 2 anyway). The entire stall was wet