And by break, I don’t mean book one together.
I still have fond memories of the first time we met; I was young and innocent. I didn’t have much money, but what we had was good. That first fling, where I was whisked away to Frankfurt (Hahn) by your sleek Boeing 737, all blue and yellow, just days after I had arrived back from Mongolia… my first trip alone that was pleasure, not business. I didn’t mind being slightly late or the 2 hour coach trip to the city at 11pm; a boy really can’t complain at £10 a return airfare.
And then there was Norway – another £10 spectacular! It didn’t matter that is was -20°C when I arrived because you made me feel warm inside. You took me to Berlin again and again so I could revisit Freiberg and be with the people I love. Then there was the time we went to Malta, so I could see some old friends. And let’s not forget those magical few days in Krakow one Christmas… We had some good times.
But something has changed. I don’t know why. I just don’t feel the same way any more. Perhaps our lives are going in different directions – you’re certainly not going in the direction of Munich (and don’t try to tell me Memmingen is near Munich – it’s not). Perhaps we’ve lost the spark of our early relationship – perhaps I’ve lost the desire to go places with you (at least those you offer); perhaps I need to be inspired again.
But the truth is, I don’t think it is just down to your route map and mine not matching up.
It’s just you’re not making it easy for me. Booking a flight with you is not easy any more. You just make it so darned complicated. I always take out my own insurance, and never make calls abroad and my bag has always been the right size. But why, why must you pressure me for these things? Why must I navigate through screeds of drop down menus? Why is it so hard to just book a damn flight? I could cope with your garish blue and yellow website before, but why, WHY must you try to encourage me to pay for the “chance” to win the cost of my flight? (Which if your low fares promise is true, is hardly breaking the bank).
Ok, so I maybe didn’t show you the attention I should have – we didn’t fly together at all in 2012. Instead I was galavanting around with Easyjet, KLM and Air France. Still I came looking in December, but it just felt like you didn’t want to see me. Flights were slim pickings or just plain extortionate for the distance. Instead I flew to Morocco with ThomsonFly for £150.
When I did come back to you last month, I just felt used. Your staff were joyless sods. In -light comfort was minimal. And then you screwed me over because of my weight (and since wasn’t paying for that I don’t really care about the money). All of that held together with bureaucratic tedium. An obnoxious amount of tedium.
I just want you to know – I didn’t take that flight by choice (meow!).
Perhaps it’s time I stuck to airlines who know how to treat a boy right. I could get a better carrier in 5 minutes; one who actually wanted to fly with me. They say you pay for what you get, but the price has gone up and the quality has gone down. I deserve better.
Maybe flying full service last year spoiled me, but the fact of the matter is simple: you’re not competitive. If you want to keep me a you’re going to haven to try a whole lot harder. “Low fares” just aren’t enough to keep us together. Maybe we will meet again, but if we don’t just remember this:
It’s not me, it’s you.
That’s my humourous take on my experiences with Ryanair. Like I say, it all started off well, but things have taken a turn for the worse in my opinion. Tomorrow I have my flight back to the UK with them, do you think they might redeem themselves? What is your take on budget airlines?